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By Dr. Janet Scott

The Mid-South Tribune

The Mid-South Tribune ONLINE

And the Black Information Highway


Am I really Looking at Me?


I have to live with myself and so

I want to be fit for myself to know

I want to be able, as days go by,

Always to look myself straight in the eye.

I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,

And hate myself for the things I’ve done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf

A lot of secrets about myself,

And fool myself, as I come and go,

Into thinking that nobody else will know

The kind of person I really am.

I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect.

I want to deserve all people’s respect,

But here is the struggle for fame and pelt

I want to be able to like myself

I don’t want to look at myself and know

That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me,

I see what others may never see,

I never can fool myself, and so

Whatever happens, I want to be

Self-respecting and conscience free.

 -Author Unknown-

 When was the last time you took a good look at yourself? We get so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of trying to survive that we often forget to reflect upon what is happening with ourselves. You are with yourself every single moment, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Don’t you think it is important to know yourself? You tune-up your car, change the oil, and water your plants on a regular basis, so why neglect your mental, physical and spiritual state of being?

Acceptance of self

            Learning to accept one’s self appears to be a difficult task for many. We have a tendency to compare ourselves with others. Accepting one’s self comes from looking inwardly as well as outwardly. Wearing designer clothes, shoes, and jewelry oftentimes are a superficial image that we project of ourselves. There are many attempts to hide our real self. We also run from ourselves in order not to lean the truth about us. To thy own self be true! It is important that we feel good about ourselves both inwardly and outwar

 Do I Have Self-Love?

            Self-esteem is the confidence that comes from regarding oneself as a worthwhile person; how we feel about ourselves. It is our self worth. Self-esteem can be summed up as the following: How do I love me? Le me count the ways. Self-esteem is shown in how you treat yourself. One must learn to love one self before one is able to learn to leave another person. It is difficult, almost impossible, to give to someone else what you are unable to experience with yourself.

            One reason why individuals remain in abusive situations is due to low self-esteem. They often think they deserve this type of treatment. Individuals who have low self-esteem, who lack self-respect, often turn to alcohol, cocaine, food, violence, prostitution, gambling, compulsive shopping, etc. They utilize these experiences for a temporary “high”.” They are able to feel good about themselves for a moment. When the “high” is gone so is their self-esteem.

            Children who grow up in homes where there is little love or none at all; who hear that they will never amount to anything, who have experienced any type of abuse (verbal, physical, sexual), who have been raised in a strict environment will usually develop a low self-esteem. They see themselves as unlovable and worthless. They have few expectations for happiness and fulfillment in life.

            The basis of how we feel about ourselves as adults is often found in our childhood experiences.

            Exploring Yourself

            Getting to know yourself is the first step in developing a positive self-esteem. Learning to be our own best friend is a key element in maintaining a healthy emotional state of being.

            Take some time now and explore yourself using the following questions as a guide:

1.      What are three adjectives that best describe me?

2.      What kinds of activities do I like?

3.      What makes me laugh?

4.      What quality do I like best about myself?

5.      What one secret will I never share with anyone else?

6.      What do I do to myself that makes me miserable?

7.      When was the happiest moment in my life?

8.      When was the last time I patted myself on the back?

9.      What do I worry about most often?

 Please repeat everyday in front of a mirror, “IAM WORTHWHILE!”


 Dr. Scott is a contributing columnist for The Mid-South Tribune. She is a National Board Certified Counselor and a Tennessee licensed professional counselor with a mental health provider designation offering individual, group, couple and family therapy. Her office is located at 1331 Union Ave., Memphis, TN. 38104; phone: 901-722-8751.






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